Humor Writer, Satirist
This piece originally appeared on Robot Butt here: 10 Actors Who Became Famous for Roles That Don Knotts Turned Down Roger Moore – James Bond, Live and Let Die (1973) John Travolta – Danny Zuko, Grease (1978) Alan Rickman – Hans Gruber, Die Hard (1988) Ralph Fiennes – Amon Göth, Schindler’s List (1993) Ewan McGregor – Mark Renton, Trainspotting (1996) Mark Wahlberg – Dirk Diggler, Boogie Nights (1997) … Continue reading 10 Actors Who Became Famous for Roles That Don Knotts Turned Down
This piece originally appeared on Robot Butt here: All the New Reasons Why Members of the Press Can be Banned from the White House Historically low approval ratings Using children’s insurance as a bargaining chip Using racism advantageously A cameo in Home Alone 2 Multiple bankruptcies Not draining the swamp at all Actually making the swamp … Continue reading All the New Reasons Why Members of the Press Can be Banned from the White House
This piece originally appeared on Robot Butt here:The 15 Best Nicknames in NFL History That Were Inspired by Sylvia Plath Dan “The Bell Jar” Schonhoff – Wide receiver, New York Giants Barry “Rabbit’s Cry” Anderson – Middle linebacker, New England Patriots Frank “Puny, Green, and Tart” Szydlowski – Punter, Cleveland Browns Louis “Oval Soul-Animals” Cramer – Cornerback, Pittsburgh Steelers … Continue reading The 15 Best Nicknames in NFL History That Were Inspired by Sylvia Plath
This piece originally appeared on Robot Butt here: In Memoriam: Those We've Lost to Make Paul Manafort's Belongings. Over the years, we have lost many great creatures to Paul Manafort’s desire for lavish clothing and other exotic belongings. Here, we remember those who are no longer with us: Tony (Python) – Jacket Al (Alligator) – Luggage … Continue reading In Memoriam: Those We’ve Lost to Make Paul Manafort’s Belongings
This piece originally appeared on Robot Butt here: Let's Make This Go Viral: A Man With Dementia Writes a Touching Letter to His Family As I sit here on my sofa near the end of a life that was full and good, reflecting, I can’t help but think of the twists and turns I have taken … Continue reading Let’s Make This Go Viral: A Man With Dementia Writes a Touching Letter to His Family
This piece originally appeared on Robot Butt here: An Updated Look at Trump's Leaked "To Oppose" List 1. Democrats 2. Republicans 3. Politicians 4. The Swamp 5. POWs 6. Disabled people 7. John McCain specifically 8. Hispanics 9. African Americans 10. Any other brown people I forgot 11. Muslims 12. Refugees 13. Muslim refugees 14. … Continue reading An Updated Look at Trump’s Leaked “To Oppose” List
This piece originally appeared on Robot Butt: With Everything That's Happening Right Now, I'd Like to Announce I'm Selling Diet Pills Hey Errybody! LOL! What’s up all my Facebook amigos? You doing good? You’re about to be doing better! I’m going to make this the best time of your life by offering you something that … Continue reading With Everything That’s Happening Right Now, I’d Like to Announce I’m Selling Diet Pills
This piece originally appeared on Robot Butt here: My Valentine's Day Memory of a Forbidden Love It was Valentine’s Day of my nineteenth year. I had admired her from afar for most of my life. I had fantasized long enough. Now was the time to act. Having taken a year off from school to clear my … Continue reading My Valentine’s Day Memory of a Forbidden Love
This piece originally appeared on Robot Butt here: A Rap/Hip-Hop Compilation Recorded for the Trump Inauguration Through some deep sources within President-elect Donald Trump’s transition team, we have uncovered a track list of rap/hip-hop songs re-recorded (“All tremendously legal,” we were assured) for Trump’s upcoming inauguration in January: 1. “F*ck Tha Police Because You Appreciate … Continue reading A Rap/Hip-Hop Compilation Recorded for the Trump Inauguration
This piece originally appeared on Robot Butt here: There are Plenty of Things We Can All Come Together to Hate America is divided. The election is over, and people are fighting in the streets, at work, on social media, at home. Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama have all stepped forward to ask the American … Continue reading There are Plenty of Things We Can All Come Together to Hate
This piece originally appeared on Robot Butt here: When is it Appropriate to Respond with D-Generation X's "Suck it" Move? Please answer YES or NO: Is it appropriate to respond with D-Generation X’s “suck it” movewhen… 1. Your boss asks you to work late? 2. The Cracker Barrel store is out of moon pies? 3. Dora … Continue reading When is it Appropriate to Respond with D-Generation X’s “Suck it” Move?
This piece originally appeared on Robot Butt here: 10 More Claims Bill O'Reilly Has Made About Slaves Last week, Bill O’Reilly made the news by attempting to clarify First Lady Michelle Obama’s comments about slaves building the White House by saying the slaves were “housed” and “well-fed.” This was not the first time O’Reilly spoke out … Continue reading 10 More Claims Bill O’Reilly Has Made About Slaves