This piece originally appeared on How Pants Work here: I’m a Real Marketing Person, and I Can Prove it With These Creative Names I’ve Given Everyday Items

  1. Cigarettes: Sexy Smoke Sticks
  2. Sofa: Loungeus Maximus
  3. Vacuum Cleaner: Dirt-Goes-Away
  4. Television: Color Moving Picture Box
  5. Light Bulb: ’Lumination Orb
  6. Parking Garage: Car Motel
  7. Whiskey: Tipsy Brown
  8. Grass: Yard Carpet
  9. Helmet: Head Protector Extraordinaire
  10. Surgery: Luxury Body Slicing
  11. Popsicle: Cold Solid Juice
  12. Fire Extinguisher: Foamy White Dispenser
  13. Chair: Human Holder
  14. Coffee Table: Li’l Surface
  15. Trash Can: Paper Hole
  16. Coffee: Wakey Sip-Sip
  17. Wheel: Roll-About
  18. Log: Tree Torso
  19. Bear: Cute ’n’ Deadly
  20. Gloves: Hand Coats