The American Family Association’s Updated List of Unforgivable Disney Offenses

This piece originally appeared at Second City Network and Huffington Post Comedy: The Second City Network, The Huffington Post Comedy

Dear Reader,

It has been some time since we have officially updated our list of Disney offenses. Recently, the controversial children’s entertainment company announced that its first openly homosexual character will appear in the new live-action telling of “Beauty and the Beast.”

We were shocked—that is, until we examined other Disney films—and we couldn’t believe what we found. In light of our recent discoveries, we have developed a list of the truly un-American and immoral offenses in Disney movies, both animated and live-action.

As a decent American, please read and boycott accordingly.

  1. Human/beast interspecies relationships
  2. Seashell bosom covers that honestly could fall off at any point
  3. Most of the cast of “The Princess and the Frog”
  4. Three presumably lesbian fairies living together in the woods
  5. Glorification of stealing the Declaration of Independence
  6. An illegal immigrant stray Chihuahua
  7. Tramps
  8. Vin Diesel as a babysitter
  9. Anti-American sentiments in “Pocahontas”
  10. Literally everything about “Hannah Montana” that we should’ve spotted from the get-go
  11. Uncle Albert’s drug use
  12. Polygamy amongst dwarves
  13. Anti-Second Amendment sentiments in “Bambi”
  14. Sorcery/witchcraft/Angela Lansbury of any variety
  15. Normalization of Middle Eastern people and genies
  16. A seriously freaky Friday
  17. Normalization of talking snowmen
  18. Normalization of female rabbit cops
  19. Normalization of lost boys
  20. Merida
  21. Rastafarian crabs
  22. The unclear nature of two male chipmunks’ relationship
  23. Jazz
  24. A gluttonous, effeminate bear
  25. Cocaine usage in inner-Hundred Acre Woods
  26. Big summer blowouts
  27. Shrunken children
  28. Randy Newman
  29. Giant homicide
  30. A probably bisexual mouse

We are currently working to expand this list with about a thousand more updates.

Thank you, and have a blessed day.

Sincerely,

The American Family Association